May 24, 2005

Today in Science, we watched National Treasure & Andrew was sitting right next to me & the entire time my stomach was churning! It made me so nervous! But, it's not like it matters since he has a girlfriend anyhow. Grr. That is the only reason why I am jealous of Grace P. I can't stand her, but I really do want a boyfriend. Especially her boyfriend. I hate being desperate - even though I'm not - but kinda. I guess it's just that I hate wanting a guy and feeling like I need one. That's it. The feeling like I need one thing. Like, last week, I wasn't in this phase and I was perfectly comfortable with myself just as I was. But now, I'm always thinking about what guys are thinking about me. And I don't want to be focused on guys because I know my time will come - eventually. And I know I could take matters into my own hands and ask a guy out, but that just wouldn't feel right. I mean, I dunno. If I had to ask a guy, I wouldn't ask him to go out like be boyfriend and girlfriend because that's too much of a commitment. I'd just ask them to go out on a date. But I wouldn't do that. Partially because it doesn't feel right. Partially because I'd be too nervous. But, mainly because I don't have enough confidence. I mean, I am a confident person because I don't care what people think but I'm not confident in the fact that guys would be attracted to me. I mean, honestly, I think the only guy who ever like me is Marshall. And yeah. I dunno. Like I said, the other day, this is the type of thing I wish I could talk to Jay about. I mean, I could but I think he'd think something bad about me like I think he sees me as some annoying little kid. So, if I talked to him about it, I don't think he'd take me seriously. But going back to Andrew, I really like him and I'm positive about it. But, I dunno because he's really wierd and although I love that about him - I mean that's why most people can't stand him. Oh well. I guess nothing is going to happen. 

May 23, 2005

Well it was my last Monday. Kinda sad. But it's weird. It's always the same thing with guys. Like, when I'm at church, Matt gives me butterflies. But, when I am at school, Andrew H. gives me butterflies. But, like right now, neither of them do. Jay does! I dunno. And it sucks because I can't have any of them - even though I only want two. Jay is more of a brother. Then, Matt will see me as his best friend/little sister. Then Andrew H. has a girlfriend. I dunno. And with Matt - I don't want anything to happen there because so many people would be mad or upset. I know it. And with Andrew, if something ever did happen, all my friends would look down on me. But, now that I think about both of them, I get butterflies. See, this is the thing. I wish that I could talk to Jay about. I mean, I guess I could - but I dunno what he'd think. In my mind Matt is better for me because he, well - he just is. But Andrew - gosh! I love him to death! - Not like that though. Like, as a friend. That's another thing. I always have a crush on one of my friends so if anything happened to happen - lots of stuff would be all screwed up. At least, I'd think so. Also, I go through these phases. Like, I went through this "I need a boyfriend" stage. Then I went through the whole "Who cares?" stage. Now, I'm back to square one. I really, really want a boyfriend. Like, not to kiss or anything. But to be able to hold hands with, or have him put his arm around me. Or hug. I <3 hugs! But yeah. I mean, that's not the only reason - I want the closeness of the relationship too and getting to know the guy but yeah. Those are both equal in importance but what catches my attention. Like on Sunday, when I hugged Jay goodbye - when he was holding me - I felt so, I dunno, almost perfect I guess. And I felt safe. I felt like I was on top of the world. And it wasn't because of those butterflies because I know I don't like him despite those butterflies. But I want to have that on top of the world feeling and I don't. I dunno. But, I do know that whenever it happens, it will be more worth than it would be now since time makes the worthiness higher. I think...

____________________________________________________________________

Well, again, cringing. And I love that I pretend like I don't have a crush on Jay when I one thousand percent clearly did.

May 22, 2005

So, this morning at church was Jay's last time here. I got to meet his parents and I really like his mom. I didn't get to talk to his dad much but yeah. When he left, I gave him a really big hug and I almost started crying. But I didn't. When I hugged him he seemed like he didn't want to let go. Then his mom walked up and I think she got the wrong idea. Because he and I were standing between the truck and the opened door and we held onto eachother for a long time and yeah. I think she got the wrong idea. I dunno. I just know that this summer is going to suck without him here. 

Matt wore his t-shirt that I bought him! I was so excited! Anyways, Casey came to ZYM tonight and I felt so bad because he's not a Christian and Mr. Tim kept asking him all this stuff and ugh. I mean, give the guy a break! But yeah. 

____________________________________________________________________

I am cringing SO hard at 15 year old me and the way my adolescent brain interpreted everything. Jay and I are still really good friends - we live less than 10 minutes from each other and see each other frequently - and I honestly can't remember the last time we hugged. So the idea that he "didn't want to let go" seems reeealll silly to me as an adult. Still cringing. 

May 21, 2005

Today was Matt's graduation. I was really proud of him! Afterwards, he was talking to all these cute girls and I dunno. I guess I was jealous. I mean, I'm used to being one of the few girls he pays attention to. And, I mean usually, he pays the most attention to me because we're really close. Like, we tell eachother almost everything. And like I said, it made me jealous and almost angry. I dunno. Then we went to their house for dinner and there were these two girls there. One didn't stay for very long - thank goodness but the other one wouldn't leave him alone. The one that stayed - her name was Jennifer I think. Anyways, he was kind of ignoring her but she was acting like hot stuff - which she wasn't - and it really got on my nerves. You know, I say that Matt is so protective of me, but I am really protective of him too. Then the other girls name was Peggy. Can't stand her. She dressed really slutty and then I was talking to Matt (finally) and he told me that he and Peggy like eachother but she has a boyfriend. Grr! Basically, I took at as if she didn't have a boyfriend, Matt'd be her boyfriend. And it really makes me mad. I guess in reality, I'm just really extra jealous. I mean, I don't think I like him, but I do. I just want him as a brother but I can't help having a crush on him. And he goes after all the cute girls and it really makes me jealous because just once, I want him to see me like he sees those girls. I want to be the one he pays attention to. I want to be the one he thinks about constantly. I want to me the one for him - but I'm not. And I hate that because that's what I want. I know I can't have him because he will never see me like he sees those girls. I'll always be like his best friend. That's it. No more. And it sucks so freakin' bad. Ugh. 
Also, Jay is leaving and tomorrow is the last day I'll see him for like, 3 months. I'll get to see him in the fall. But that doesn't help any because I am going to miss him so much. I feel like I haven't gotten as close to him as I want to be. I mean, I really adore him - I really do. And I know that I am why I'm not close to him as I wish I was. Because I have to many reservations. Like, when I talk to Jay, he tells me something about DD and I know that they are really close. And if he talks about her - then wouldn't talk about me too? Plus, I'm a lot younger than him and I want him to see me as a friend - not some annoying little girl, which I think he does see me as. And I hate that because, yeah, I may be young, but I am really mature for my age and I just want to be able to talk to him and have him confide in me and I dunno. I dunno. I really don't know. 

____________________________________________________________________
Oh fifteen year old Emily. First of all, yes, you were mature for a 15 year old, but no 23 year old is going to see you as anything BUT an annoying kid. Because, news flash, all 15 year olds are annoying kids. Also, everybody talks about everybody, and it's not always nefarious. 

This was definitely a phase in my life where I was interested in MUCH older guys - like 8-10 years older. I don't know if that's a normal phase or not, but your girl was there. 

July 3, 2004

Lawn care went really well today. The only people that were there were Tracy, Sarah, Kelsey, Arienne, Matt, Danielle, and me. When my dad & I drove up, Tracy and Matt and Danielle were walking towards me. I ran (literally) up to them and gave Tracy a big hug. I could tell she really missed me. Then she goes, "Are you gonna hug your friends?" I tried to give Matt a hug but he backed off. I thought he was just being rude. Then he started laughing. I was thinking, "what have I done?" So, I hugged Danielle and she wouldn't let go. I whispered in her ear, "I missed you guys so much! I was so worried about you!" Then I hugged Matt and he wouldn't let go either. I started crying. Later we talked about what happened and Matt's still upset. And he's mad at Daryll because of what he said about Matt hanging around a bunch of girls. Matt wants to punch Daryll. I don't blame him but I kept begging him not to. Oh well.
<3, Emily

July 2, 2004

I am so excited to go to lawn care tomorrow because Matt and Danielle are supposed to be there. They know I know about what happened so I am going to go up to them and give them big hugs. I know it sounds dumb, but I would. Also, I'm gonna have to ask him if he wants his watch back. I've had it for 8 days. And to be honest, I hope he doesn't want it back. I know this sounds stupid to but I love having his watch. Anyways!

<3, Emily!

June 29, 2004

On Saturday at 10, ZYM is doing lawn care. Matt and Danielle are going to be there...I am going to give them all huge hugs!

June 27, 2004

We are in Orange watching The Miss Texas USA pageant.

This morning I talked to Tracy. This is what's going on with Matt and Danielle. [side note from current Emily: I am editing what I wrote then because, again, it's really personal to someone else's life, and most of what I say is speculative] 

After VBS, the [family] took Tracey home. On the way back, they got in a car wreck. Matt blacked out and they thought they lost him for good. When they got home, there was fighting, and Matt and Danielle packed a bag and left on the 4-wheeler. They ended up at their neighbors house who took them to Tracy's house. They weren't able to stay there, and Tracy doesn't know where they are but they are safe. 
And she doesn't know when they'll be back. I mean, it could be tomorrow or it could be 2 months. I hope they come back soon. But when they do come back, I am going to give them all BIG hugs. I just hope that they stay safe. Because I want to be able to say good-bye before they go anywhere. If for some reason they came to our house, I would just hug them forever and I would tell them all that I love them so much. Especially Matt. I mean, he is just my very best guy friend and I would tell him that. I just hope we hear from them really soon!

<3, Emily

I <3 Jackson

June 26, 2004

Well the flag routine went bad. I mean, we did it but we did much better during practices. 

We had been practicing and then we went to the assembly and watched the slide show. It was really cute. Hannah fell asleep on Suzy. After that, we went to practice once more but it started raining. I went inside to put my flag up. Everyone else went to get snowcones. I was talking to Tracy and we went to get something to drink. I got caught behind all these little kids so I got there a little after Tracy. But before I did, I heard this guy say hey girl. And I looked up and Dylan was there. I said hi and asked him what he was doing there and he was there because his brother and sister had been coming all week long. Then he asked me if him coming made up for him not calling me all summer. I was disgusted! After spending time with Matt, Dylan is just a piece of crap. Anyway, Tracy and I decided to make him jealous and we went and got Matt. I told him that Dylan was here and I had to hold him back. (How sweet!) But I told him that I wanted to make Dylan mad since he had broken my heart so many times. We went and stood on the walkway (that's where Dylan was) and Matt was great! He would put his arm around me and he asked to hold my flag for me. Then when he got my flag, he would pop it on my butt! Then he started telling me about how big my butt is. And I told him to quit talking about my butt. And Mary said at least you know he's looking. Dylan was just sitting there and he looked really ticked. Then Daryll came out there and told us to come inside since it was raining. I told Daryll that Dylan wasn't going in either and Daryll said, who is that guy? And I told him his name's Dylan C. Daryll asked me how I knew him. I told him that he went to my school. Then I said can you get him in trouble for not listening. He said why and I told him that I didn't like him and that he had been mean to me. Then he patted me on the shoulder and said Don't worry I'll take care of it. Then I told Jackson and Cash about it and Cash went to ask him about it and he said that Dylan didn't say anything.

Also, Daryll had been teasing Matt about being with all these girls. Later, I was talking to Matt about Sarah and Daryll comes up to us and says, "Matt. Seriously. You don't need to be hanging around all these girls. Especially at church. And it got to Matt. He was really upset. 

Then I spent the night with Suzy last night. This morning Suzy, Amy and I went to go help clean up the church. Neither of us said it but we wanted to go because the [Matt's family] were going to be there. We got there and they weren't there. Just their dad was. We cleaned the 2 nurserys and the ZYM room. We rearranged the furniture in the ZYM room. Then mom and Amy came in and mom told us that she overheard Matt's dad talking to Tammy. This is basically what he told her.

[This part is honestly a little too detailed and all gossip, so I am not comfortable sharing it here. The point of the story is that my two friends, Matt and Danielle, were missing.]

He hasn't heard from them and he has no idea where they would be. I am so incredibly worried. And this is going to sound dumb, but he gave me his watch on Wednesday and told me I could keep it until he asked for it back. I am glad because I will have his watch in case I don't get to see them again. I really sincerely hope that they are at church tomorrow. I don't know what I am going to tell them but I want to tell them to stay where they are. And this will sound dumb but if they are there tomorrow, I want to give them all a big hug!

June 21, 2004

Okay, I'm ticked. First - Suzy is ticking me off. She thinks she is so much better than me and she keeps bugging me about her being in highschool and me being in 8th. For VBS she is supposed to be in the highschool class but she's always been in my class. But this year she went to the highschool class for two reasons. One being that she'd be better than me and two that she were with Matt.

Okay. And mom is freaking mad at me for nothing.

Allyson is making me mad because she keeps showing off for Matt b/c she thinks he likes her and I know he doesn't. And I think she likes him. But I dunno. Anyway this flag team thing sux. She is planning this all around her and all last minute. Nobody with the exception of a few likes it. She is doing all these fancy jumps when none of us can do it and she just makes herself look so perfect and so much better. Because we're doing all this stupid crap and she's doing leaps and everything.

But on a better note, this is going to be shocking but I think I like Jackson again. He is being really sweet to me and ya. I like him. And I think Matt is kinda out of the picture. I mean, he's great and all but still. All that stuff that Tracy told me about what he said not being the same as her dad and Nathan, kinda upset me because I don't want a guy who is going to like to me. And Jackson - it probably won't last long because chances are that when we go back to school, he is going to be all over Hayley and he'll forget about me but whatever. I think I am just going to try to sleep but I don't think it will work cuz I am so dern freakin ticked off because today has been a CRAPPY doo da day because of everything

____________________________________________________________________

And thus begins the moody teenage years where I'm mad at people for being normal humans but I interpret everything as a personal strike against me. Also jealousy.

June 20, 2004

I'm so tired and this is going to be short.

Tracy told me that she asked Danielle if Matt liked Sarah and she said he did. But that she was too young. So that means I'm too young. Which is bad. But he did like Kelsey and she's only a year older than us. But whatever. I don't know if Danielle is telling the truth.

Also, Matt told me that he had talked to Tracy's dad when he liked her. Then I told Tracy that and today she told me that she had asked her dad and he had never talked to Matt. Matt also told me (that same day) that Nathan hadn't given Tracy his messages. But Tracy asked Nathan and he said that he had always given her the phone. 

And I know I should believe one over the other but I believe both of them. So I think that Nathan and his dad aren't telling Tracy the truth. But now that I say it, that doesn't sound right either. Because I highly doubt Nathan would lie to Tracy.

I just don't know because I want to believe Tracy because she's one of my best friends but I also want to believe Matt because he's one of my best guy friends and I like him. Alot. 

That's another thing. I really like Matt because well - I'm just gonna list all the reasons I do like him and ya. 

• he's a Christian
• he's sweet
• he's trustworthy
• he's a good listener
• he's fun to be with
• he's got a GREAT sense of humor
• he makes me laugh
• he cares about me
• he's touchy feely
• he's just awesome
• he has a life plan

I know I'm missing some but overall he's pretty much perfect. Well for me anyhow. But now that I think about it, every guy I've ever liked that was a Christian was what I said "perfect" for me. And there are the down sides too.

• he flirts with every girl
• Tracy doesn't think I should like him
• There are so many girls that like him
• He likes Sarah - not me

Now on that last one - don't get me wrong. I am happy for Sarah, but I know that she's not allowed to date but I am. And I know that he kinda likes me because I can just tell. And I'm not just saying that. Tracy thinks so too. And honestly, I want him so bad. I now he's not going to take me out and two days later dump me. And if he ever does dump me, he won't try to break my heart. But I guess I shouldn't dream. I mean I know that I will enver go out with him unless it's some alternate universe. 

June 19, 2004

Today I had SO much fun at Matt and Danielle's party. We didn't get to go tubing because the boat was messed up. 
Anyway, two of the girls from Danielle's cheerleading squad, came and they were hanging on Matt and totally flirting with him. Sarah and I were ticked because they wouldn't leave him alone and we didn't want to be around those two girls but we wanted to hang around Matt. He didn't want to be around them because he told me that they got on his nerves and that he didn't like them. He kept trying to get us to come over by them but Sarah and I wouldn't since they were all over him. Suzy would but me and Sarah were totally ticked. I think Matt thought we were mad at him since we weren't talking to him. So when I see him tomorrow I'll tell him that we weren't upset with him but we just didn't like those girls. And what made it worse was that they liked him. Anyway that's it!

June 17, 2004

• My date with Dad was good but I have like no money. I spent $41.
• Matt likes Sarah or is starting to. That's what he told me.
• Sarah and Suzy like Matt too.

Suzy didn't want us to tell Matt but Sarah and I told him that all three of us like him. he took it really well and he wasn't acting any different. But we also talked to him about Kelsey. I told him "I don't know how to say this so I am going to be totally honest and I hope you don't take this the wrong way." 

Then I told him what I thought. He told me that he didn't really like her since he told me he did because it sounded stupid when he said it. And he sort of likes Sarah. I told him to go for her. But she doesn't think that she'd be able to. She said she would ask. I told her that I would be so excited if they went out. I would be a little jealous but I would be thrilled! Oh well!

June 16, 2004

This is gonna be really short but I just wanted to say that I really like Matt. And today when we were decorating he kept staring at me and he was TOTALLY flirting with me! So I think that he likes me!

June 15, 2004

I'm going to get straight to the point. I think Matt likes me and if not, then I think he's starting to. I mean I catch him staring at me all the dern time. And he keeps saying stuff about me. When we went to the mall today he kept watching me and he kept talking to me and walking beside me. Tracy doesn't know that I like him but she wants him to go out with me. i plan on telling her tomorrow but I'm afraid of how she's going to take it. She told me that she wanted to tell him to go out with me and to stop liking Kelsey. I was so freaked because she didn't know for sure yet that I like him. And the more time I spend with him the more I like him. We saw Cassie at the mall today and I told Matt that I knew her but I didn't like her and he goes, "Well I'll go tell her something." And he started going over to her and I stopped him. But he was going to go beat her up for me just because I didn't like her. I was like 'oh that's so sweet" because he was actually standing up for me. 

____________________________________________________________________

WHAT?!?! Dear young Emily, I love you, but you're an idiot. Like, first of all, all those things are called normal human interaction, not flirting. Second, he was not going to go "beat up" a girl on your behalf, and if he was, he's definitely not the guy for you. 

June 13, 2004

Today me, and Monique stayed after VBS practice to play games. We called the [family] and Matt and Danielle came. The fist time Matt hid by himself and we found him but he kept moving. Finally we gave up. He came back and then he and I went to hide. He wanted to go up in the attic but I was scared. He was telling me that it wouldn't be that bad and since I like him a lot I did. We hid up there for a while. But while Danielle and Monique were hiding Matt and I started talking about Allyson and he told me he used to like her. Then he didn't. And he told me he likes Kelsey. I was so dern mad. I mean I was more jealous then mad. Because I know she likes him too. And she's not allowed to date or court. I want her to be able to go out with him because I want him to be happy - I think I'm going to tell him that he likes her but that she's not allowed to date or court and tell him briefly about why he shouldn't like her because of what she's been saying about me, Tracy, and Sarah. But I won't give names or tell him straight up that I don't think he should go out with her or like her because it's not my deal or my business. I dunno. I will write him a note because I don't want to wait until Sunday. That's too long and there will be too many people around. So that's what I'll do!

June 12, 2004

MMK. Last night was game night at church. Me, Allyson, Kelsey, Matt, Mark and Danielle were all going to play sardines in the new church. Then all the little kids cam so we were hiding from them. Then it turned into them playing "captives" against us. They were "capturing" us and trying to keep us captive. Then they started getting mean and they were hurting us. But we were running from them and we hid under the stairs in the new church. It was so much fun. Then today Allyson and Kelsey invited me over to do the same thing. They called [family] and Danielle was the only one home. By the way - sorry if this is sloppy. I'm writing it lying down. Anyways. Danielle, Allyson Kelsey and I were on a team. Then Conner, Courtland, Arienne, and Alexandra were playing. I got so sunburned! Anyway - my point of telling this story is that I really think I like Matt. Alot. I mean, I've spent more time with him and last night it was really dark. Me, Matt, and Allyson were all staying together. We went looking for the others - Mark, Kelsey and Danielle - and we went into this passageway under the stairs in the new church. (one again I'm laying down so sorry if this is sloppy.) Anyhow, me and Allyson wanted to be able to hold on to one another and like I said this going to sound dumb but I was holding Matt's hand like the whole time and this is going to sound dumb but I loved the way it felt. And not to brag but I think he likes me too because he flirts with me alot and I catch him staring at me all the darn time. Anyway that's what I wanted to say but to say it I had to give a lot of background info. So that's why it took forever to get to the point. Oh well. I'm done now!

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If only I could go back and tell my younger self that he was flirting with everybody and that I wasn't special and that he was probably not the best person to have a crush on at the time...oh well. Maybe one day.

June 8, 2004

Well Tracy Sarah and I decided that we were going to tell Pastor D about what's going on. He is going to be at Tracy's tomorrow. I have been trying to get a hold of Sarah to ask her but her line is busy. Well changing subject. I've been going to CokeMusic.com. It's basically a big chatroom. Well I met this guy and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. I know it's weird but I just felt sorry for him. Anyway - I won't give him any personal information if he asks. I'll just say no. Anyway - that's all I gots!

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First of all, remember the day when you couldn't talk to who you wanted to immediately because they're phone line was busy? Nostalgia. Also, CokeMusic.com?? I definitely have a firm visual image of what that site looked like in my mind. I had totally forgotten that it even exists - I just checked and it no longer exists, but there is a surprisingly lengthy Wikipedia page about it. 

June 7, 2004

Okay. I heard that a diary is supposed to be like a letter to a best friend that you totally trust. So I am gonna spill everything which will help but if anyone reads this they will know way too much. Oh well. here goes.

Last night ZYM went to Putt Putt. Afterwards, me, Sarah, Monique, Matt, Mark, and Danielle came to the church to play games. Oh ya, Nathan was there too. I didn't like anybody but after begin around Nathan and Matt I started to like them more. And I don't want to like either of them. I don't want to like Matt because I just can't like him. And I don't want to like Nathan like that because I want him to be more of my brother. I mean, he's such a great role model. He's a very strong Christian and you can tell. I want to be able to talk to him like a brother because he's such a good listener and he gives good advice. And I know he's not going to blab. He also cares about everyone, even people who he doesn't exactly like. I just don't know. 

Kelsey is frustrating me so much. She is making up all this stuff and she talks bad about everyone. And I know I'm talking bad about her but she talks about everyone to everyone. Which classifies as gossip. This is all she told me. Tracy doesn't mind her business. Nobody talked to Allyson. Danielle lies to everyone and me and Tracy flirt with Matt too much. All of that is cruel. Tracy just wants to help everyone and make sure they are okay. Allyson won't talk to anyone but Kelsey and Sara. Danielle - dunno. And Tracy and I don't flirt with Matt. I mean to be totally honest, I might. But Tracy for sure doesn't. And I don't know where Kelsey got it. I told mom what was going on and she told me that [family] doesn't trust or like Tracy because she lies and stirs up trouble on purpose. Crap Crap Crap! Tracy has never ever lied to me on purpose and she would never stir up trouble. And I know that's why Kelsey is hounding Tracy. Because she tells her parents everything and believes everything they tell her as well. Ugh. I dunno. Tracy and Sarah are coming over tomorrow and we are going to try to figure out how to solve our problem. Well my hand hurts so bye bye!

____________________________________________________________________

Welp. The tea has been spilled. *cringes*

End of Diary Bonus

Another diary down, although this one was barely 1/3 filled up. However, I did have some very important information written in the back cover, which I thought I'd share. 

Burned CD list
Avril Lavigne - Complicated
                            Skater boy
                            my world
                             losing grip


Travis Dream
good TAKS
crush on Scott
Dream about flying dillys & Jackson


1 866 411 4090
I'm a celebrity! Get me out of here!
Vote Number



Mom's make
$1.4 trillion a year if they got paid for home work
Most phone calls R made on Mom's day
5,000 diaper changes.

June 3, 2004

This is like forever later but I decided to start keeping a diary again. 
Well it's summer and I guess the most important thing is who I like. I think I like 2 guys. One is totally in my reach but isn't good for me. The other one is good for me but is way out of my reach. The good one is Daryll D. I like him because he is so sweet. He can be funny and he is fun to be around.
The big thing is that he is such a strong Christian and you can tell. The bad one is Dylan C. I like him because he is such a great friend, and I know he likes me. For sure. But he's bad for me because he cusses, he flirts with all the girls and he isn't a Christian - for sure. And he's broken my heart so many times but I can't help but like him. ***Another thing, I have not been me lately I mean I guess I have let all the people at school and the environment. I have been cussing and I realized that it's really wrong and trashy. But now that I have started, I can't stop I mean I can but I keep thinking it and it frustrates me.
Well earlier I was talking about who I liked. Well there's another guy but I don't know if I like him or not. But every time I'm around him I stare at him and I get butterflies but whenever he's not around I don't feel anything for him. Just to clue you in - it's Jay H. And I wouldn't want to tell anyone because I wouldn't want to hurt DD. Plus, if anyone in my family found out they would freak. Suzy, Amy, Dan, and DD all want DD to have him. And I also want DD to have him because she hasn't had that many boyfriends and she and Jay act so cute together. Also DD still likes Jay. And DD made a list of the must have qualities (as well as some "would be nice ifs") and Jay fit all of the must haves and some of the would nice ifs. I just don't know. Anyhow. I think I've written enough for one night. I will try to write every day but the only problem is that I am not the most faithful person. Especially when it comes to diarys. I have a strong tendency to just say, "Oh, I'll write later." and then never ever do anything. So ya. 
<3 ya! 
Emily

May 24, 2003

The other nite I had a dream about Misty. It made me think so I went and apologized to Brittanie, Ashley, & Misty. Brittanie and Ashley accepted my apology but Misty didn't say whether or not she did so I took it as a "no."

I have my recital in 1 hr & 30 min. So I gotta get ready I will tell about my recital and my dream about Travis and Kyle S. later. Bi I <3 JC, KS, TS

May 22, 2003

Well, there has been quite a bit going on in my life these past couple of days. Firstly, and most importantly, I only have 5 freakin' days of school left!!!!! Hallelujah!!! If I count the weekend and the Monday I have off, then I have 8 more days left. I really don't think 8 days sounds that bad. 
A couple of nights ago I had this really weird dream. Here goes: one of my friends and I (I don't remember who) were at the Dewald's house. It was their house, but it didn't look like their house. Anyway, my friend and I were talking and I told her that I had a crush on Daryll (which, as you know, I used to). He wasn't in his room, so we went in there. For some freaked out reason, I wanted to smell his pillow and his clothes. So I went over and smelled his pillow, and then I went and opened his closet. I was flipping through his clothes, after I had smelled them and Daryll himself walks into his room. My friend and I were just standing there in pure shock. He, of course, asked what we were doing in his room and even more so, doing in his closet. My friend looked at me and said, "You tell him." So he was like, "Well, what is it?" And so I go, "We were in here because I like you." I don't remember the rest. Too sad isn't it? I wish I could remember because it might have been a really good ending.
Next thing is.....oh I gotta go. Dinner. I will finish tomorrow.

[same text document]
Okay, now I only have 4 freakin' days left of school. I had a dream last night, so, here goes: I was at school. I walked into my math class and my teacher was out in the hall. When I walked in, I had to grab a paper to work on. All the pages were stuck together so it took me a minute to get them apart. While I was getting them apart, Travis S. walks up behind me and he goes, "Hurry, hurry, hurry up!!! Hurry up!!!" and he kept repeating it. So I turned around and I told him to shut-up. He goes, "okay" and then he bends down and kisses me. The whole class goes "OOOOOOO" and I just started laughing. Then Travis asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. While we were having this conversation, we were walking to our desks. (He sat right beside me) so when I said yes he leaned over again and FRENCH kissed me!!! Oh do I wish that would really happen.
For youth group, Tracy M. and I are doing a scrapbook. We are going to do an info page on everybody. So Tracy and I split up the list of people to call. I was so embarrassed. I had to call the Bendiksen twins, Jackson and Cash, Joseph D., Ethan W., Joey G., and Tim C. I was so freaked out when I called them. Especially Jackson!!!!!
Okay, I'm not trying to brag here but I think three people like me. As in boys like me. As in boys like me, like me. As in boys have a crush on me, like me. Sorry about that. I just had to make sure I got the point across. I think Dillon C. has a crush on me. I think Tim C. has a crush on me. And I think Kyle S. has a crush on me!!! I know it sounds like I am dreaming but I really think they do. And, I would go out with Kyle or Tim if they asked me. I don't think they would though. Well that's about all that is going on in my life these days. 
Bi!
I <3 JC, TS & KS

May 18, 2003

I don't remember what I wrote last so I will start with school on Friday. The day was pretty much a normal day. In science, the drug dogs came. When we got back to class we watched a video. The video was really cool but at the same time really freaky. What happened was: there was this boy that had gone missing and the police searched for 6 years and found his skeleton buried in the boys backyard. There was a lot more detail than that but I had to make a long story short because I have a lot more to talk about.
Then in advisory, we had a yearbook signing party. I got a lot of people to sign it. I chased Travis S., Justin H., and Kyle S. around until I got their signatures. Of course, they didn't want me to sign theirs. Kyle didn't have one so I guess that was why.
On Saturday night, mom dad and I went to Audre's graduation dinner. It was catered by the country skillet. We had fajitas. I met some of Mollie's friends and family. One of her friends named Jessa was really nice. A few of us played tetherball and then a bunch of us went to go play volleyball.
Today in church, Brocke preached his first sermon. It was really good. It made me cry!!!!!
I have only 8 more days of school!!!! The last two days are finals but I have heard that they aren't that bad and I'm sure they aren't. 
On Saturday at 10:30 a.m., I have my recital for piano. I can't wait for it to be over with.
Then on Sunday, the church choir will be singing in church. We have two new songs that are really pretty.
Over the summer I have a lot of plans. I mean I didn't have any and now most of the summer is filled up. On the 9th of June, Grammy and Pop are coming down. Then on the 10th, mom, dad, Grammy, Pop, and I are leaving to go to San Antonio. We will be back on the 13th. The on the 15th of June, I am going with Suzy and her family to Galveston. We will get a pass for $25 that will let us do anything without paying extra. I will be back on a Sunday. Sometime, I will also be going with Suzy and her family to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I am not sure when or how long I will be there. Well that's about it!!

Bi!
I <3 JC, TS, & KS

May 16, 2003

Dear Diary -

• Today we got our year books
• I got Jackson, Scott L, Kyle S., Justin H., & Travis S to sign it.
• I had a weird dream about Tim C. He wuz wearin a skirt. I don't 'member the rest.
• That's it!

Buh Bi

Oh! -->

[next page]

is it wrong to have a crush on 3 guys? Cuz I do!

I <3 TS, KS, JC

Emily!

8 MORE DAYZ OF SCOOL!

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Since I have my yearbook from that year, I just went and looked at all the signatures. Each of those guys did actually sign it, but it was no more than their name, except for Jackson. He wrote "Stay cool & smart" and signed his name. I'm sure 12 year old me thought that was the most romantic thing in the world. 

May 12, 2003

Dear Diary - 

I'm writin' this cuz it's a short entry. The only thing I have to say iz this:

After school, Kyle S. kept staring at me! I would look @ him when he wuz lookin' @ me & I would stare him straight in the eye & he wouldn't look away or smile or anything. I dunno wat hiz deal wuz but it made me think. Duz he like me?

Buh-Bi
Emily Record

May 8, 2003

Dear Diary-

So much to tell. I will type about five pages if I don't shorten it. So I will use bullets.

• The reading and math TAKS went really well
• The cantata on Wednesday night was awesome
• Audre's graduation party was cool
• I don't remember what night but I had a dream that Travis S. came up to me and said that I was pretty. Then later, Jackson came up and asked me out and I said no. He didn't know why so of course he asked. I was stuttering a little and Travis overheard so he came and said, "She doesn't want to go out with you because of something I said." Then Jackson asked what he said and again I stuttered. So again Travis answered for me. He said, "I told her I thought she was pretty. I knew she liked me because she flirts with me a lot and so I told her that I thought she was pretty and now she wants to go out with me, not you."
• I had another dream that I don't remember clearly but it had flying dillys and I was flying around and Jackson called my name so I went to the ground. He said that he wanted to give me something and then he kissed me. FRENCH kissed me. There was a lot more to that dream but I don't remember.
• Today after church there was a graduation party. Graduates were:
• Audre H.
• Darryl D.
• Joseph D. 
• Joey G.
• Joseph D. [actually different from the other one but relative anonymity!]
• Laura K.
• Amanda W.
• Christina S.
• Sarah D.
• On Sunday, at ZYM, we had a business meeting. After, we, of course, played volleyball. I was actually hitting the ball. Darryl usually hits the ball before I do, if he is in front of me. This time he wasn't paying attention and the ball came to me and I hit it. He said good job and then he would let me hit the ball. I was so happy. I know it sounds stupid but I was.
• Monday I didn't have school and both my parents took off from work. All three of us went to the Katy Mills mall. Mom and I walked around the whole mall and went in like two stores. Then Dad and I went to play this thing called Lunar Golf. It was a lot like Putt-Putt but it had black lights so everything glowed. Then Dad and I went back to the Bass Pro shop and did the trap shoot. I was okay but dad was really good.
• On Wednesday, I had my Pre-AP Language Arts final. We had to read a poem and answer the prompt. The prompt told us to find the literary devices and in the essay describe how the author captured the reader with these literary devices. To me it was easy but a lot of people were saying that it was hard.
• Tomorrow is the Track Meet and I did NOT want to go. Mom couldn't take off. If she could have, she said she would. I didn't want to ask dad because I was sure he would disagree with my staying home. But, to my surprise, he took off!!!! HOORAY!!! So, I don't have to go to the track meet and sit in the Bryan High football field ALL day watch stupid events take place.
• Then I have a new crush. I have a crush on three people right now. Jackson C., Kyle S. and my new one, Scott L. He is like, my best friend but now I am starting to like him as more than a friend. People are saying that he likes me to but I asked him and he said he didn't. He asked me the same question but I said no because if I told the truth I would be totally embarrassed. Maybe he was telling the truth or maybe he was just saying that he didn't like me because he didn't want to be totally embarrassed. I don't know!!!

Buh-Bye

I <3 JC, KS, & SL

April 28, 2003

Deary Diary-

I have quite a bit to tell you about. I will just start on Saturday.
Saturday- we (mom and I) went to Audre's graduation party. It was a lot of fun. She got interviewed which was hilarious. Then after her party we went to the public library to check out some Dear America books. They are diaries of real people that once lived during a certain time in history. I have read one about slavery, the Alamo, The RMS Titanic, and now I am reading one about the Civil War. They are really good books.
Sunday- First thing in the morning we (me, mom and dad) went to early service and Sunday School. Then I went over to Sarah E.'s house to play. We played Monopoly with Stephanie and then made cookies for ZYM. After that Sarah and I went on the 4-wheeler. Then we rode bikes and just played outside until ZYM. At ZYM, Tim C. was there. We had a good devotion and then went to play volleyball. We practiced forever and then played a game. Tim was on the opposing team and he was hilarious!!! Every time the ball came to him he would either say something or make some sort of noise. I was very happy he was there because he made Daryll laugh!! I have never seen Daryll laugh out loud before but Tim was making Daryll double over with laughter. Then when I got home...Mom got really upset that I had played volleyball for so long. I mean I didn't get home until 9:00. I didn't really care that she was upset. oh well.
Then today, not a whole lot happened. The only good thing was that we actually did something in social studies! But that was it. We did something and the really surprising thing was that Conlee was there and he wasn't messing the class up!
Tomorrow is the math TAKS TEST. I am not nervous about the math. I am good at math so I know that I will do fairly well. Then on Wednesday, I have the reading portion of the TAKS. That is the part I am nervous about. This year because it is TAKS instead of TAAS, it is harder. The teachers aren't saying that but everybody knows that it is harder. I am a little nervous but I am sure that I will do fine. 
Also on Wednesday the choir is singing the Catada to the people who missed it on Easter in the late service. 
That's all. In case you haven't picked this up, I am doing a different color and different font every day. Tomorrow there will be a different color and a different font!!!
Emily
I <3 JC & NM

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New colors AND new fonts?! I was living the crazy life! Also, anyone can look up state testing records as long as you know the student's name, SSN, and date of birth - I know this because I'm a teacher who looks at my student's testing scores several times a year. But, for the sake of curiosity, I pulled up my test records from this year. For math, I received commended performance with a score of 2707 out of 2884, and for reading I also received commended performance with a score of 2400 out of 2817. So my prediction of doing not as well on the reading was indeed accurate, but I still got the highest bracket of scores, so I'll count that as a victory. 

April 24, 2003

Dear Diary-

Today things did not go well with Cassidy. I didn't even talk to her. I was planning on talking to her on AOL but she wasn't online. She isn't online tonight either. I mean she might be and she just isn't using a screen name that I have from her. I know this sounds weird but it seems like a lot of people at school don't like me. I mean, in advisory, Juana came up to me and said, "Are you friends with Dulce? I mean do you talk to her?" I said yeah, I do. Then she goes, "Well me and Alex found a note from you to another girl and it had bad stuff written on it about it." I said, "Juana, I never said anything bad about Candy. She talked to me in Social Studies and she believes me that I didn't say anything about her." (Candy did come up to me and ask me about it and I told her what I told Juana. And she did believe me.) So I don't know what's going on but I WILL find out sooner or later (hopefully sooner). Well that's all I've got to say.

April 23, 2003

Dear Diary-

Not a whole lot happened today. The big thing for me was what happened at lunch. I saw Cassidy and Ashley P. talking to each other. Cassidy handed Ashley a note. When Ashley got in line,s he got in front of me because that was where Brittanie was. I looked over Ashley's shoulder and saw that the note was written in green ink. On the front it said, "2: cassidy x: Emily." I couldn't believe it. I knew which note that was because I always write social studies notes in green. (I have a certain color for each class) So, Ashley let Brittanie read it of course. Then they started whispering and looking at me. I don't care what they say about me. I have said many ruse things about them and they are just little brats who are wanna-be preps. Ashley already thinks she's a prep because she is friends with all the popular popular people. Like she is friends with Lizzy, Heather, Tyler, Taylor, Trevor and a whole bunch of other people. I am mad at Cassidy because she let Ashley ready it. She knew I didn't want Ashley to see it. I don't know what's going on but I WILL find out. I am going to find out from Cassidy tonight because I will talk to her on aol tonight.

Then a good thing was that Monica was being really nice to me. She was asking me all sorts of questions and it was like everything between us was cool again. The reason we weren't really friends was because last year a rumor went around about her and she thought I started it. I didn't start it. I just repeated it, which is as bad as starting it. I won't go into any detail because it makes me sick just to think about it. I will keep you posted about the whole Cassidy and Ashley thing. 
Well I think that's about it.
Talk to you later I guess. By the way, I really think that this typing thing. I will write a few handwritten entries that are short. But on long entries like this, typing is best for me because it doesn't take very long.

I <3 JC & DD
Emily Record

April 22, 2003

Deary Diary-
Not a lot happened today. This morning before school, these two girls got in a fight. One of them started to punch and kick Mr. Caperton. That was not very smart.
Last night I had this really weird dream. Here goes. A bunch of the youth group members were at this place (I don't know where) and the whole M. family was there. Nathan walked out and he had cut himself. He said that he was going to turn himself into a statue because of it. Tracy went over to him and begged him not to but he started to scream at her. Everybody was outside by this time and the majority of them were crying, including me. I was going to ask him to stop, but after I saw what he did to Tracy, I decided not to. So since we thought he was really going to do it, we all packed up our stuff, getting ready to leave. When we came outside again, there was a huge statue, but it didn't look anything like Nathan. We all left and went to the family center at the church. We started to play games and most of us were still crying about Nathan. I was talking to Sarah E. on the phone and I was telling her about Nathan and of course I was crying. Then I felt somebody come up behind me and put their hands on my shoulders. I turned around and it was Nathan!!!! I told Sarah good-bye and turned around and hugged him. I asked him what he was doing here and he said, "You didn't really think I would turn myself into a statue did you?" I said nobody knows with him. (this whole time we were holding hands) then I gave him another big hug and told him not to ever scare us again. Then he kissed me. It wasn't a french kiss; it was just a kiss on the lips. Then my alarm went off and that was the end of my dream!!!

I <3 JC & DD

April 21, 2003

Dear Diary-

I am sick of writing so I have decided to type my entries and paste them in.

First thing- the Seder dinner. It went really well but the food was gross!! especially the parsley. we had lamb, unleavened bread, olives, nuts, a radish, horseradish sauce, a roasted egg, parsley and celery. Then we had grape juice to drink instead of wine.

Second thing- Sunrise service. Youth group did a skit in the sunrise Easter Service to a song called "Watch the Lamb". the song was beautiful. and i think we did well on the skit. It was about when Jesus and the two thieves walked through when Jesus was crucified. Daryll, who played Simon Peter, was also there because he was there to watch Jesus die. I was really excited because I got to be close to Daryll!!!! and I know this sounds strange but he either wears good cologne or he just naturally smells good. I don't think he wears cologne.

Third thing- Easter cantada. The choir did really well. In late service it was packed. the majority of the people were not regular church members because most of the church members probably went to early service. I was very proud of myself because I was not nervous at all being up in front of a full church. It was most likely because I was not up there alone and i didn't have a solo or a speaking part. I didn't have a speaking part but i wasn't saying it all alone.

fourth thing- Easter at Amy's. We had Easter at Amy's house after church. Habibs family was there. Amnah and Zara were there to. Then Suzy and I decided that I would spend the night at her house so i did. today, we were going to see Holes, but Mary-Beth K. was coming too. I don't really like her and i don't like being with Suzys friends because I get left out. So I called my mom and told her that I wanted to come home. Suzy and amy think that I had "stuff" to do because I didn't want to hurt their feelings.

Fifth thing- that was all of the big events but one thing is that when we were practicing for the skit for early service, Jackson and i stood next to eachother and we were having so much fun practicing because he kept making me laugh.

Sixth- At the Seder, Sarah E. was sitting in between Cash and I. when they said we should eat the meal, I dared cash to eat the radish. So he did and his face turned really red. I was laughing uncontrollably. Then I let out a squeak. I was trying to laugh silently because it was fairly quiet during the meal. We (me cash and sarah) were having alot of fun!!!

Well I think that's it!

Emily
I <3 JC & D.D.

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Yes, I really did type up, print out, and glue my diary entries into this diary. Looking forward, it looks like that trend lasted about a month, although I also have a binder with typed up diary entries coming in a few years. Again, I was SO cool.

April 11, 2003

Sry I haven't written in so long. NM has happened. 

• Yesterday somebody said that Jackson was going out with Kathy S. I don't know who that is. But Tim & Cameron K. said he isn't going out w/ n e body.
• There R so many guys I mite like but I dunno who I do like my list is on the preceding page (I'm trying 2 increase my vocab)

1. Jackson C. (1)
2. Kyle S. (4)
3. Tim C. (5)
4. Scott L. (2)
5. Travis S. (3)
6. John K. (8)
7. Daryll D. (7)
8. Henre H. (6)

My list isn't as big as it was last time. The #'s in parentheses R wat order I like them. 1 is best, 8 is least. I know for sure I don't have a crush on Henre, Daryll, John but I know this sounds weird, but I dunno 'bout the other 5. O well. TYYL. O!

2day when I got home I came ↑stares and I just started cryin. Dunno y though. There isn't n e thing that has upset me. Maybe I just needed to blow off some steam or sumthin.

BYE TTYL C U L8R TTFN BI I <3 JC, TS, SL 

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I really love that although I'm trying to "increase my vocab," my abbreviations and misspellings and use of slang are also increasing. I was so cool.

March 30, 2003

The annual "Night to Remember" went well. I won't exaggerate b/c I have other things 2 say

At ZYM tonight we played volleyball. I couldn't hit the ball. The 2nd game we played we lost. Brock was serving & it was the winning point for them. He looked at me, & served the ball. Of course I didn't hit it. I said I'm sorry & Darryl said, "That's a great way to lose. Just standing there." Then he started laughing. Brock said, "That was a GREAT victory." He hit it at me b/c he knew I would miss it. I felt terrible and Daryll really made me mad. I know he didn't want me to take it personally (at least I hope I know that) but whether or not he meant it, it hurt my feelings. A couple of serves B4 that I actually hit it, but it went to the parking lot. Daryll said something along the lines of "Great place to hit it. the Parking Lot." Robby S. said something fairly rude but I don't remember. B4 2nite, I kinda liked Daryll but now I don't. 
Nathan is really nice. I hit the ball & it went out. He said, "It's o.k. at least you hit a piece of it. It was in but it was out of my reach." He was behind me & that's why he said it was out of his reach. Well I am really tired. 

I <3 JC & sort of NM

March 23, 2003

Early Sunday Morning

Yesterday ZYM was supposed to host the KFC's out @ the Dittfurth's house. We were going to have a hayride, roast marsh-mallows, make s'mores & eat hotdogs & hamburgers. It rained so it got cancelled. We R going to early church so I have to get ready. If I have more time then I'll write about something else I want to write about.

I <3 JC, KS



Sunday Night

I just got back from Caedmon's Call/Jars of Clay concert. We (Mrs. Dawn, Kelsey, Daryll & I) left early. Kelsey & I were being quiet so Mrs. Dawn started 2 tell us about angels. Daryll said, "Aren't there fighting angels." Mrs. Dawn said no and had some explanation. Then Daryll said, "Yeah, but the big, mean, nasty ones fight." Kelsey & I cracked up. They didn't think it was funny so we tried 2 keep quiet.

I was already nervous being in the car w/ Daryll.

The other thing I was going 2 talk about was a letter I'm going 2 write 2 Tim about going 2 the dance with me. This is what it would say.

Tim,

I know you probably think this is weird that I'm writing u a note. You're probably reading this out loud to your friends. I hope by the end of this, u won't. I'm going 2 ask u something I've asked u 2 times B4. You gave me an answer that I didn't want. The 1st time I asked u 2 the dance I WANTED you 2 say no. Plus, it was a dare. The 2nd time it was my idea but I didn't really mean it. This time, I really mean it & I want u to say yes. If u say no because u don't want to or can't go 2 the dance I'll B a little ↑set. If you say no just because I'll be upset. If u say No b/c of me, I'll be REALLY upset. The third time I ask you, I really want u 2 say yes cuz I really like you. No offense but I don't have a crush on u. I just want 2 go 2 the dance as friends. So I ask you 4 the 3rd time...

Will you go to the dance with me? If you want 2 call me, my number is ###-####. If you want to put a note in my locker, my number is 772. Emily K. Record

Well, Bi. I <3 JC, KS & DD!

March 19, 2003

New Entry.

2day when mom & I were coming home we saw the cutest little puppy running alongside highway 21 going back & forth! We pulled over & tried to find the owner. We put a note on the door of the house of the ppl we thought owned the dog. Then we brought the dog home. My dad totally freaked and he yelled, "Y'all go put that dog back where it came from or put it in my truck & I'll put it on the highway cuz it's NOT staying here!"

• I cried cuz I was upset
• we took the dog back 2 it's house & put up a barricade so it couldn't get out

I'm sick of writing. Bye. I <3 JC, KS & DD

March 16, 2003

In my last entry I was telling you about the Trading Spaces thing that we did. It ended up looking really good. On Friday, the 14, Sarah E. spent the night & then on Saturday we went to her house to play.
Today we (mom & I) went to Jessie H.'s B-day party. We were only there for 1 hr & 15 min. 
Tommorrow I have to go back to school! because Spring break is over.
This Saturday the ZYMers are hosting the KFCers @ the Dittfurths house. We are going to have a hayride and roast hotdogs, hamburger, and marshmallows. The hotdogs and hamburgers are for dinner, obviously and the marshmallows are for s'mores.
Next Sunday, ZYM isgoing to a Caedmon's Call concert featuring Jars of Clay.
Then, a week from Saturday, we are having our annual "Night to Remember." We changed the name from "Sweetheart Dinner" to "A Night to Remember." Too many people were coming that weren't "sweethearts". We changed the date because Bryan High's "Sadie Hawkins" dance would always interfere with the "Sweetheart Dinner."
On the 17th of April, ZYM is going to be serving the "Seder Dinner". It will be like the meals that the Jews had when Easter was coming. I don't know a lot about the Seder Dinner so I won't go into very much detail about it.
I'm getting tired. G2G.
Bye
I <3 KS & JC & DD

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I'm loving my liberal use of quotes. Also DD. Shaking. My. Head. 

March 9, 2003

Right now I'm at Camp Creek. We (Mellie, Amy, Mom, DD, Suzy & Me) are doing a Trading Spaces thing. We R going to redo the room w/ the fire place. We (me, mom, DD, Suzy) just finished a second game of Wahoo. DD & I were partners. We beat Mom & Suz 2 out of 3 games.

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That "Trading Spaces thing" was a lot of fun - we totally redecorated part of the lake house, and for the time, it was super cute. Also, look at that Wahoo Queen - proof that you do indeed occasionally lose at Wahoo. :D

March 6, 2003

Dear Dia
Sup?

NM going on. Just wanting to make sure I didn't forget to write. Yesterday was Mom's B-day. She turned the big 4-0! tomorrow is the Friday B4 Spring Break. We are just going to Orange. Dad has to go to work so it'll just B me & Mom.

Bye

I <3 JC & KS

February 28, 2003

Dear Diary - 
I'm not gonna finish my last entry. Today was the Winter Dance. I didn't dance with any guys. I almost danced with La'Quon. I got too nervous though. After the dance, I was going to call my mom. Dillion    ?     came up to me and said, "You know, I was gonna ask you to dance tonight. I said, "Seriously?" Dillon said, "Ya. Seriously." No lie! Now Dillon kept following me I was about to call my mom and he said, "Maybe at the next dance?" As he turned I said, "Yeah. Maybe."
I know it sounds stupid but I think he really likes ME! But I don't really like him.

BYE
I <3 JC & KS

Emily K. Record

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I know you're really disappointed about not discovering what "rolling" was referring to in that dream of mine, and now, I guess we'll never know. Also, I rolled my eyes SO hard at Dylan. He was in my life in some form or fashion until about 3 years ago, and, spoiler alert: he's a jerk. Sorry not sorry. 

Double Post Bonus!

January 4, 2003

Hey!
Today is when I bought you. I got you because my other diary is almost full. So, it might be a while B4 I write again!

Emily Kate Record


February 19, 2003

Hey!
It's 6:20am right now and I don't usually write this early but I had a kinda cool dream last night.
I was having my b-day party and EVERYBODY was there. Of course they were all my age. We were sitting in bleachers that were in my front yard. I got out to go get some snacks.
I don't really remember what the order was. I just know it happened. 
I was followed by Sarah E. She, for some reason, was going to Rayburn instead of Allen. We saw David B. head towards my house but before he got there he laid down in the grass.
Then Amanda C. walked in with this girl I recognized but didn't know her name. I looked at Amanda and said, "Ah. Y'all finally figured out where the good food is. Oh and uh, welcome to my house."
The other girl just said thanks but Amanda was surprised. The stairs were right next to the kitchen so I told them to go upstairs and see my room if they wanted. I followed them as they walked to my playroom. I turned the lights on and they were amazed. At this point Carrie B. walked upstairs. 
I'll have to finish later. I still have to get ready. Bye.
Emily.
I <3 JC & KS
*dream: rocks and birds & rolling!

End of Diary Bonus

Another diary complete. In this one, I decided to write in MASSIVE handwriting, so it filled up pretty quickly. On the inside of the back cover was the word "DONE" splayed across the whole page, but on the inside of the back cover was this: 

CRUSH LIST

Jackson C (crush)

Timothy C (crush)

Kyle S. (crush)

Cameron K (both wayz)

Travis S (both wayz)

[still inside cover] I know it's bad to not know who I have a crush on but I really can't helping it. Even though it sounds worse to say I have a crush on 5 guys. Even if I am only for sure about 3. Also at church I'm gonna ask JC to copy an angel 4 me don't know y but I am BYE

I <3 JC, KS & TC

Emily K!

February 14, 2003

Dear Diary - 

Today was Valentines Day. As you know, we got carnations. I got one from a teacher but I don't know which one. After school, Jackson had three carnations. I know 1 was from me. I don't know if he knows though. Juana said she told him but she lies frequently. I am going to ask Jackson on Sunday if he knew who his carnations were from. If he does I'll ask who. I also sent a carnation to Andrew A. I don't know if he got it. I didn't see Andrew after school today so I don't know if he was even here. I don't think Cash got one but I didn't see him. I feel sorry for him if he didn't b/c everybody likes Jackson. I don't know anybody who has a crush on him. Also, I wanted to know if Timothy C. got one. I was going to send him one but for some reason I didn't. I know Kyle S. didn't get one. I saw him after school. He was staring at me! I think. 

Bye Emily I <3 JC, KS, & TC!

February 8, 2003, 2pm

Dear Diary - 

I just took off my hot pink finger nail polish and it's all gone but my cuticuls look like crap. 

*Reminder*
NEVER EVER USE PINK FINGERNAIL POLISH

Well that's all BYE

Emily I <3 JC, TC & KS?

February 6, 2003

It's almost 9:00 at night b/c I just got home. I am going to join the choir @ church. Right now I am working on the Easter Contata. I am really liking it and I found out that I am a high soprano! Apparently I can sing fairly high. In 1 song we have to hit a high E and I had no problem doing so. Well that's all I have to say.

Bye.
Emily.
I <3 JC & TC

___________________________________________________________________

Oh, pubescent Emily, of course you're a soprano. Wait until you get older and you embrace your true alto-ness (alto's are better anyway). 

February 4, 2003

Dear Diary - 

• Lots to say not much time
• I sent a carnation to Jackson 4 Valentines Day But he won't know it's me
• There's this really cool guy that I'm talking 2 on AOL
• Youth Group is thinking about going back 2 Canada in 2005
• Youth Group might go on a mission trip to Mexico in July 4 2 weeks other than that nm is new

Bye

Emily

I <3 JC & TC

___________________________________________________________________

"really cool guy" and "on AOL" are two phrases that a 12 year old should not be saying together. Why weren't you supervising me, Mom?! (Just kidding. Only because I didn't get kidnapped and murdered.)

January 24, 2003

Today was sad to me because Colton W. is moving. Today was his last day! He's leaving tomorrow morning. His mom got married and he and rest of his family are moving all the way to South Carolina! And they aren't ever coming back!

Emily
I <3 JC & CW

p.s. I kinda like Davey B.!