January 16, 2003

Dear Diary - 

nm going on here. I'm not friends with Brittany, Ashley anymore. They are snobs. Misty is friends with them so I don't know if she's friends with me or not. Raven is friends with them but is still friends with me. She said that Brittany and Ashley are talking about me. Not only are they talking about me but they are talking bad about me. Raven hasn't told me what they are saying but I'm going to find out VERY soon!

My possible crushes list has narrowed down a little bit here it is
Jackson C.
Timothy C.
Scott L.
Kyle S.
Colton W.
Nathan M.
I'm not really sure about Nathan though. I have a crush on Jackson C. and a crush on Kyle S. We (me and Kyle S.) are pretty good friends. Jackson & I of course are friends. Then I have a 1/2 crush on Colton W. Him and I aren't totally clueless about who the other one is but we're not super tight eithe. We' talk to each other and I'll say "hi" to him in the hallway and he won't think "OOO Emily's in love me!" That's what most guys would think but Colton isn't like that and neither is Kyle. I don't talk to him in the halls because he's always surrounded by all the snobby, preppy, popular girls like Ali P., Danielle W., Asley F. and people like that that just drive me up a wall. Well I'm tired so I g2g.

Bye
Emily
I <3 JC, CW & KS!

___________________________________________________________________

And little did anybody know that Kyle would end up marrying one of those "snobs" (who isn't snobby at all) and that another one of those "snobs" would be one of my closest friends in high school. 

January 6, 2002 (PM)

Dear Diary - 

My other dream was extremely detailed so I'll bullet the info.

• Lots of ppl in a room w/ tone of aquariums
• Carina, Brenda and a few other girls with them
• For some reason I was angry @ Carina and I pulled her hair. It made her unconcious so Brenda and her friends were really angry with me so they let all the animals out on the stairs leading up to my hotel room. one of the animals bit me. 
• Also there was something that had to do with a partly frozen lake and a hottub with Alex S. and Ashley W. in it. I was down in the water and they helped me get to solid ground.
• After that I have no idea how my dream ended!

Bye I <3 Jackson C.!

January 6, 2003

Dear Diary - 

Last night I had 2 really weird & somewhat cool dreams. Here's the 1st one:

- Me, Jackson, Tim, Andrew & some girl were all sitting around on this couch. Mr. Ellis was sitting in a chair behind us. It was after school and it was almost 4:30 and I asked Mr. Ellis if I could call my dad. He called him and I went back to the room w/ the couch and Jackson was being chased by the other girl. He was running backwards and fell over the back of the couch. I sat down next to him and asked him if he was alright. Then he sat up and for some reason I put my arm around his shoulder and helped him walk and get in my car.
- The other one was really long so I'll have 2 tell you later because it's almost 7:00AM and my dad will be leaving and I ahve to go with him. BYE I <3 JC!

January 1, 2003

Dear Diary - 

It's the new year and I got back from Canada yesterday! It's probably around midnight and the reason I writing at this hour is because our electricity went out. I was trying to go to sleep and I turned over and it was pitch black in my room. It totally freaked me out. 
Anyway, Canada was awesome. It was beautiful up there. The only downside was that I was sick most of the time. I did learn how to ski and it is pretty easy. We were in Banff Canada and there was huge mountains & snow! Like I said it was BEAUTIFUL! One night while i was there we went in the hot tub they had at the hotel we were staying at. Even though I was sick, it was still really fun. Here are a few stories. 

STORY #1: about Davey B.
At Lake Louise, the place where we were skiing, there was the ski lift for the bunny slopes which was a "T-bar" lift. There were two lines. There were wooden poles stuck in the snow and there was rope in between them to separate the lines. And the green slope ended right at the lines. Of course, you could get around them. Well, Davey had gone on the green slope and was headed straight for the lines. Out of panic, he didn't turn. So, as he approached the lines, he bent backwards to duck under them. When Davey did this, he bent too far! So, as a result, he sat on his skis! He made it under but one of his poles got stuck in the snow and the other one bumped Tracey. He got all the way under and Kenny was right in Davey's path! Kenny started yelling "Davey, Davey, Look out!" And the whole time Davey was smiling.

STORY 2: Title - Looney Tooney's & Quaders.
While we were in Canada we heard many Canadians speaking French and English. Of course their English was spoken with quite a different accent. Mollie and I went up to the front desk and asked, "Can we have quarters or whatever you call them for this dollar coin?" They guy that worked there said, "You mean quaders?" It was really funny. Also their $1 coins are called  Looney's and the $2 coins are called Tooney's!

Ok. new subject. I have this major crush on Jackson and  he knows that. Well, I've been trying to think of all the reasons of "if he were my boyfriend why he would be a good boyfriend for me. 

1. Christian?
2. Nice
3. funny
4. cute!
5. HOT!
6. I can be myself around him
7. He listens when he knows what I've got to say is important.
8. We get along.
9. He's cool.
10. He can cheer me up when I'm in a crappy mood
11. I can trust him
12. I can talk to him about stuff that I can't talk to mom, my bf's, or other guys about
13. He understands stuff that I talk to him about.
14. Overall, he's a really good friend, too.
15. Again, he's cute.

Well, I g2g. After I say 1 more thing. Right now, I have a lot of cool guys that I am close to. And, i know this sounds dumb, but I don't know if they are just close friends or if I have a crush on them. These are the people. 

Jackson C. "C"

Kyle S. ?

Daryll D. ?

Joey G. ?

Timothy C. "C" BW

Nathan M. ?

Cameron L. ?

Scott L. ?

Colton W. BW

? - crush not sure

"C" - crush for sure

BW = Both ways (leaning toward crush)

See, I wouldn't be as worried if it were less guys. So for the first time that I've written in a diary, I don't know for sure who to put down by "I <3" tonight. Because if I do, I might leave somebody out.

Emily K. Record

I <3 Jackson C and ? and an unknown person(s)

___________________________________________________________________

So. Many. Things! I definitely remember that Canada trip as one where I spent most of the time puking my guts out to the point that I lost my voice. My parents panicked when I called them from the airport to tell them we landed safely because I sounded awful. 

As far as my list of why Jackson would have been a good boyfriend, I'm actually surprised that it isn't more ridiculous - at least I had at least a small sense of what was important. That being said, I have no idea what I would have talked to him about that I didn't talk to my mom about, unless it was crushes I had on other people? Who knows. 

Now. That list. All but one (I have no idea who Joey is) I had a crush on at some point. Then again, when I was younger, any guy who even glanced at me I interpreted as flirting and therefore fell madly in love with them. Oops. 

December 24, 2002

Dear Diary - 

Today Grammy and Pop came down. Also, I got a DARTBOARD and DARTS from Daddy!

I also got a cute little angel from Hugo and Ethel. 

The play went really well. During my solo I wasn't nervous @ all. But during the song I was extremely nervous only after my solo though. Jackson & Cash did a lot better than I thought they would. And Henre was barely singing! Also, on my way down to sing my solo, I passed Tracey, Anna, Ethan, Cash, Jackson, & Henre. Jackson was right behind Tracey. Instead of writing it in a sentence I'll draw it. [Drawing that is arguably more confusing than the description.] 

Anyway Jackson and Cash BOTH wished me luck on my solo! And to make things better it was good luck they wished me! My heart skipped a beat when they said that. I think because of that my solo went really well. Also, Joshua H. was there. he was staring at me the whole time. The only reason he was there was because Mrs. Piper, my Sunday School teacher is his aunt. He was there because of her. Oh well. 

Bye! I love Jackson C. & Kyle S.!

___________________________________________________________________

I don't know why 12 year old me was so surprised that two of my friends wished me good luck before I performed. They certainly weren't jerks by any means, and looking back, we were actually friends. I guess I just assumed all dudes were the worst. 

December 23, 2002

Dear Diary - 

• Today we (me, Mom, Dad, Suzy, Amy, Dan, DD, Pa & Esta) all went to Red Lobster (Yuck) for dinner. Then we went to Pa & Esta's house to open presents & have dessert.
• I got 3 things:
• $20 to Mall.
• Picture of Pa & Esta
• Nail Polish ornament
• all from Pa & Esta.

We got home at all most 10:00 tonight. Tommorrow Grammy & Pop are coming down. Also tommorrow is the Christmas Eve pageant. I've got a solo in it. It goes "And though it's settled I'm reminded everyday to live or die to self it's up to me to choose. So if I wanna win there's apart of me that must die. Well I've said my goodbyes." I am SO nervous! I can barely write. See --> [squiggly lines] - how nervous I am ! I can't even hold the pen still. The only good part is that the mike microphone I sing with is right in front of where Jackson is! During the others speaking part, I have to sit down there right next to Jackson! And then I get to hear him sing and get's to hear me sing!

Bye I <3 Jackson C. & Kyle S. They are SO hot.

December 22, 2002 (PM)

Dear Diary - 

• The caroling was so much fun. We visited 6 elderly ladies. They gave us food and they enjoyed our singing. Amy and Lillian gave us food.
• Going to Franklin was fun too. I got gel pens, lip gloss, $50 to the mall, stuffed Bee all from Mellie & Larry
• Typing game, Christmas story on CD, Barnes & Noble's Gift Certificate $30, Film, Earrings & a pillow case from Moomaw & Habib
• Radios (2 way), Purse & Pop-up towel from Amy, Dan, Suzy & DD

The gift exchange party were fun. I ended up with a dog bone! it was really funny because Daryll got a flashlight for the fourth year in a row. Two people ended up with plungers. Henre got a real live hermit crab. It was NASTY! Jackson and Cash left before the gift exchange. Jackson was actually being nice 2 me. He held my drink when I sat down, stopped the tree from falling on me. When it did hit me the 2nd time he put his hand on my shoulder & asked me if I was okay! Also, he helped me up by pulling my hand!

Bye I <3 Jackson C. (until whenever) & Kyle S. [in much smaller handwriting] & sort of Timothy C.

December 22, 2002

Dear Diary - 

• Sorry I haven't written
• Tuesday is the Christmas pageant!
• I have a sollo solo
• Wednesday is Christmas
• Thursday we leave for Houston
• Friday our plane leaves for Calgary, Canada!
• I don't have 2 go back 2 school until 03!
• 2day we are going ↑ 2 Franldin 2 have 1 of our 6 Christmas's
• 2day ZYM is going caroling 2 the shut-ins.
• Tuesday Grammy & Pop are coming down 
• Grammy & Pop are leaving the day after Christmas @ the crack of dawn!
• That's about all.
• Tonight I'll let you know about caroling.
• Right now it's 7:30 AM.

Bye. I still <3 Jackson C. & Kyle S.!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The "shut-ins." I'm dying. 

December 7, 2002

Dear Diary - 

• today was my B-day party
• Michell T., Stephanie M., Mariah S., Suzy S., Lizzy S., Brentney S., Scott L., Mollie H., Cassiday G., Jackson C., Cash C. all came
• it was fun
• J.C. left his hat and I've been wearing it every chance I get!

I <3 J.C.

Bonus

Yesterday's entry marked another diary down. Two, technically I guess, since I apparently had two diaries during the fall/winter of 2002. 

I feel like you all should know that this diary also had the number for Kidz Bop in the back cover. 'Twas a theme apparently!

Tomorrow - back to more diary entries. 

November 14, 2002

Dear Diary

• Sorry I haven't written in a while
• I almost told Jackson that I like him
• I think I'm going to tell him tomorrow
• I burned his Third Day CD and I left a note HINTING that I liked him

Bye

I am SO in love with Jackson

___________________________________________________________________

Wait, wait, wait. I thought I already told him I liked him? Or maybe that didn't count since it was "anonymous"? Who even knows! 

November 6, 2002

Dear Diary,

Sorry I haven't written n/m's happening. I am soo in love with Jackson & he's being nice to me he's FLIRTING! BYE

November 1, 2002

Dear Diary,

Nothing much has really happened these past days. The only thing is that I'm 99% positive that Cash and Matt L. like me. Oh. Ethan knows I used to like him.

Emily
I <3 J.C!

October 27, 2002

• I think J.C. likes me.
• He was flirting with me 2 nite.

Bye I am totally in <3 w/ Jackson C.

October 26, 2002

Dear Diary -

2day was cool!

• Maria & Mollie R

Ditto

October 22, 2002

Dear Diary - 

Not much happened today. I saw Ethan literally hanging on Amy K. I guess they are still going out. Oh well. 

Bye I <3 Jackson C. 

Emily K. C. 

October 21, 2002

Diary - 

I'm really worried about Wacey. She is hanging out with the wrong crowd. She is starting to cuss and she talked alot about marajuana and other drugs. That's all. 

Emily I <3 Jackson C.

___________________________________________________________________

Again, shocked about my (albeit little) awareness of drugs. 

October 19, 2002

Dear Diary - 

• Saw Scooby Doo the Movie
• Ate at Bennigan's
• (Both w/ dd, Suz, and vic)
• Bazaar at church 8 - 2!
• Leaving from Mellie's tomorrow
• Going to Jane and Jack's for lunch.
• I have a second cousin that is gay! Freakey!

I <3 Jackson C. Bye. Emily

___________________________________________________________________

It was 2002. I (and most of the rest of the world) didn't know any better. 

October 18, 2002

Dear Diary - 

• I'm at Mellie's
• Mom & Dad are in Fridericksburg
• Tomorrow is bazaar at church
• We stayed at Zarape's until about 8:30 tonight.
• We got there at 6:45!

Bye Emily <3's Jackson

October 14, 2002: Bonus

Jackson - 

I am not sure how to tell you this but, I like you. I know I am not the only one according to you. I am not going to tell you who I am but you know me. I wanted to let you know because there is a small chance you like me back. 

And the only thing else I am going to tell you is that I don't have any classes with you. I don't think that narrows it down much but it might. 

Love,
A person who will remain Nameless

_______________________________________________________________

This is apparently the letter I wrote to him. And, spoiler alert, I guess I never gave it to him (does not surprise me AT all). Also, "I am not going to tell you who I am but you know me"?? Umm, that would be really odd if I had a crush on him and he didn't know me. Kids are weird.  

October 14, 2002

Dear Diary,

I just have one thing to say. I think (think being the operative word here) that Ethan and Amy broke up. Here's why - they weren't all over eachother 2. Ethan was having big conversation with me. 3. Amy looked sad. I know this isn't very nice but I'm pshyched!!

Emily I <3 Jackson C.

October 13, 2002

Dear Diary

Lot's to say so I'll make a list

1. Flying to Canada w/ ZYM
2. Really close to Jackson
3. Really close to Henre
4. I was cold so Jackson and, later, Nathan M. gave me their jackets.
5. I am totally in love with Jackson.
6. Ethan knows I used to like him 

That's all bye Emily I <3 Jackson.

October 12, 2002: Bonus

I think I already wrote about this but maybe not. Anyway, I don't know what to do about my crush on Jackson or Ethan. With Jackson, I don't know if I should tell him or not. If I tell him, I'm afraid he'll laugh at me and won't like me back. BUT if I DON'T tell him and he likes me, then I'll be ruining a possible relationship. Ugh! It's so confusing. Then with Ethan I like him but I don't want to. I don't want to because he has Amy K. as his girlfriend. I am not surprised because she is a living Barbie doll. I mean she has perfectly straight hair, curves in all the right places, pretty tan and is just perfect! I don't know WHAT to do! 

_______________________________________________________________

The biggest thing that strikes me about this one is that, at the time, I was about a month away from being 12, yet I was already very aware of what society tells us is beautiful. I had frizzy (not curly or straight) hair, I was super pale, and I was fat. All things that society says make you less than, and it kind of breaks my heart a little bit that I felt inferior to another girl at such a young age. 

October 11, 2002: Bonus

Dear Journal - 

I am going to make a table about Cash. See what you think.


Old Cash                                                                           New Cash
1. try's 2 get under my skin                                           1. when JC says something he tells him to                                                                                                  shut up
2. no compliments                                                          2. compliments
3. ignore me                                                                     3. listens
4. never do what I ask                                                    4. if I ask it's done!
                                                                                            5. looks at me
                                                                                            6. tries to make conversation with me

_______________________________________________________________

All I have to say for this one is this: Cash is Jackson's twin. ...sorry for those of you that already knew that spoiler, or maybe not. Because to me, that makes this whole thing infinitely more entertaining. 

October 11, 2002

Journal Entry

Emily R

___________________________________________________________________

What was I doing? Such a waste of a diary page. Hahaha.

October 9, 2002

Dear Diary,

2day Ethan pushed me at school and he said he was sorry but it didn't sound like me meant it. Also, because it was raining this morning, everybody was in the gym. Amy and Ethan walked in holding hands. As if that was not a bad enough start to my day! Then I looked over at them and you'll never guess what I saw! They were kissing! I was so surprised, grossed out, and (sorry Jackson) but I was also jealous. Because of these reasons I couldn't take my eyes off them. After a while, I saw tounge! UGH!

Bye. Emily.
At least J.C. won't do that 2 me! I <3 J.C

___________________________________________________________________

See? I knew it. 

Fall 2002 (no date): Bonus

Okay. I still like Jackson. I want to tell him and I am. I wrote him a note and it said, "What would you do if I said I liked you?" Talking 2 Jackson. Whatever he says I'll tell him to get ready to do whatever he said because I like you! I am scared but I am going to tell him. Even though I might make a fool of myself. But if he likes me back I'll be killing an awesome opportunity. 

_______________________________________________________________

*face palm*

October 8, 2002

Dear Diary - 

Nada happened 2day! Emily
Bye I <3 J.C. & E.W.

October 7, 2002: Bonus

Perfect Day @ School & More

1. Once I get to school I'd walk 2 the back and J.C (Jackson) would call me over
2. He'd ask me 2 be his GF
3. I'd say yes
4. I'd show him off
5. He'd walk me 2 all my classes, sit w/ me @ lunch
6. He'd ask me 2 the dance on Sunday (Zym)
7. I'd say yes
8. He'd kiss me
9. Monday Ethan would ask me 2 the dance
10. Jackson would walk [arrow pointing up]
11. I'd tell Ethan I'm going 2 the dance w/ JC
12. I'd kiss JC in front of Ethan and walk off [three hearts]

_______________________________________________________________

This is transcribed as closely as I can get it; yes, I used all the symbols and initials of people. Also, it was written in gold pen. Also, what was I thinking?!

October 7, 2002

Journal of Thoughts for 2days entry!

I <3 EW JC & EW!

October 6, 2002

Dear Diary,

Today at ZYM they said that the ski trip would be about $550 round trip. We would fly to Canada and stay there for 4 days. 
Also, Cash was flirting with me again! And Ethan was in a really bad mood. He was mad at me because I said Amy was a prep. He was arguing alot with me.

Bye!
Emily Kate

I <3 Jackson C. & Ethan W.!

October 5, 2002

Dear Diary,

So little time so much to say!

1. I didn't go to the dance
2. I did go the the Third Day concert
3. I'm glad I went to the Third Day concert.
4. I do still have a crush on Ethan
5. He gave me a high five
6. He knows my name now
7. He broke up with Amy.
8. He's available

Bye

Emily Record

I <3 J.C. & E.W. !~!

___________________________________________________________________

*face palm* Excuse me, young Emily. Why the helll would you have a crush on someone who doesn't even know your name?!?! Not worth it, sister!! And again, modicum of attention equals mad forever love. ANNNDDD, I'm almost positive he didn't actually break up with Amy. Or maybe they got back together because I distinctly remember them dating in high school. 

October 3, 2002

Dear Diary - 

Nothing much happened today but I just had to say hi!

Bye!

I <3 J.C.

I don't have a crush on E.W. ne more b/c he has a gf.

___________________________________________________________________

First of all, fascinating entry. Secondly, glad I wasn't a homewrecker. Good job, little Emily. 

October 2, 2002

Dear Diary,

Today I started crying after school and here's why.

Ethan walked off holding hands with Amy K. They were swinging their arms and he grabbed her backpack and carried it for her. Then he kissed her hand! Bye.
I still <3 J.C & E.W.!

October 1, 2002

Dear Diary, 

This morning I...wait. Let me make a long story short. Carrie got threatened by these people who were smoking weed when they found out she was telling on them. She was really upset. I'm not exactly sure what the details were so I am not gonna say. Also, while I was in the shower, La'Quon called. He said that it was important and he had to know by the dance. Stupidly enough, I thought he was going to ask me to go with him. Duh! I should have known he wanted to go with Carina.

Bye I <3 J.C., E.W

___________________________________________________________________

Apparently I wasn't as naive as I thought. Until the moment that I'm typing this, I genuinely had no idea that 12 year old (almost 13 year old) Emily knew what weed was. I thought that was something I learned about in high school. And by learned, I mean heard about. The details - like the fact that it was a plant and could be smoked or combined into things like brownies - weren't learned until...well, much later. 

September 29, 2002

Dear Diary,

Today @ ZYM, Cash told me that Ethan was going out w/ Amy K.! She is SO preppy!
Also, speaking of Cash was really nice to me today. Every time Jackson would say something to try to bug me Cash would just say, "Shut up Jackson!"
Also during the ZYM meeting he would look at me alot. I am not gonna say it because I think you already know. 

Bye!~!
Emily

P.S. Mrs. Moody start teaching 2morrow!! Yuk!
I <3 JC, CL, EW!

___________________________________________________________________

Preppy. Read: stuck up. This was the meanest word I could probably think of because I was sheltered and didn't know all the other fun words I could call someone. Probably better that way. 
Also, yes, young Emily - we already know. We all see the crush on Cash coming because he payed the smallest modicum of attention to you. Girl. Get it together. That's the advice I would give myself, in case someone was asking.